


Not What It Looks Like

by Glinda



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 5 Things, Established Relationship, F/F, Pre-Slash, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-09
Updated: 2010-11-09
Packaged: 2017-10-13 04:37:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/132999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glinda/pseuds/Glinda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times that Teal'c had terrible timing</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not What It Looks Like

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the sam_janet_ficathon on dreamwidth and the prompt '5 times Teal'c caught Sam and Janet in a Compromising Position'.

For some reason its always Teal’c who catches them. If Sam didn’t know better she’d think he did it on purpose but he seems just to have the worst timing in the world. The worst of it is that most of the time, she and Janet aren’t actually up to anything actually compromising; it just would look like that to anyone walking in at that particularly wrong moment.

1.

Sometimes what cannot be asked; doesn’t need to be told.

When Janet’s feeling particularly uncharitable, she thinks that the only good thing her useless ex-husband left her was a convenient excuse for not dating. Still she wears her hair long and takes good care of her nails - ruling her infirmary with an iron fist and crushing any gossip about anyone mercilessly. The only story that circulates about the medical staff on the base rumour mill is that Dr Fraiser can see through walls and that anyone who trash talks about her staff will find themselves with a mysterious and embarrassing STI. Neither are true, but Janet encourages them all the same, closed bases like theirs are worse than small towns for gossip and how much damage that can cause.

At first glance, closeness in rank and age is all she and Captain Carter have in common. Sam is highly competitive, very tomboyish, smarter and tougher than nearly anyone else in the room and very easy on the eyes. She also blushes like a tomato, has a wickedly dry sense of humour and an irrational fondness for blue Jell-O. It was probably inevitable that the two of them would either hate each other on sight or become firm friends. They also have something else in common, something they know about each other despite neither of them having asked nor either of them having told.

Yet friends they are, so when Janet spots Sam sitting alone in the empty commissary pushing a bit of rather sad looking cake around her plate, she doesn’t go and fetch one of Sam’s team mates. Instead she sits down across from Sam and pushes a small hip flask in her direction.

“I hear you’ve been explaining second wave feminism and ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’ to an alien today…” Janet begins.

“While being contradicted by an archaeologist,” interjects Sam.

“While being contradicted by an archaeologist,” agrees Janet, making a mental note to have words with Daniel later. “I think you’ve earned a drink.”

Sam eyes the bottle suspiciously for a long moment before shrugging and pouring both herself and Janet a generous measure.

“I also had a long and involved conversation with said alien about the habits of the priestesses of Bast. They do fine work with perfumed oils apparently,” Sam trailed off as though the memory was one she’d rather forget.

“I bet the marines loved that,” says Janet.

“Big fans of the priestesses of Bast SG:3, less so of the finer points of DADT. Teal’c asked useful questions though, so points to him for that,” replies Sam, raising her coffee cup of scotch in toast.

“Indeed, the sentiment is much appreciated, however, I believed that alcohol was not permitted on the base,” interjects Teal’c.

Sam and Janet stare wide-eyed at their unexpected guest for a long moment. Janet sighs deeply and says “and if you don’t tell anyone we’ve got any we’ll let you share.”

“My symbiote does not allow alcohol to affect me, however, the sentiment is appreciated and I will gladly join you. Your secret, as they say, is safe with me.”

Teal’c pulls up a chair and the girls shuffle round to make room for him.

“The laws of the Tauri do not always entirely make sense,” observes Teal’c.

“No truer words, Teal’c,” replies Sam.

2.

Sometimes people really do have something in their eye.

For something so small the eyelash had been really irritating Sam. The tests she’d been running were fascinating but the errant lash had begun to make her eye water so much that she had trouble focusing on the read outs. It had been that more than anything else that had driven Sam down to the infirmary to beg an eyebath from them.

She’d been relieved – not pleased, that little skip of her heart when Janet looked up from her desk and smiled had been relief at not having to explain her situation to a stranger – to find that Janet was both on duty and free to help. In fact Janet had an entire afternoon of paperwork ahead of her so was delighted by the opportunity to be distracted from it so was more than happy to let Sam use the sink in her office and gently rib her about the situation. Between the teasing Janet did actually manage to play Doctor a little, noticing the lash was now poised irritatingly on the edge of Sam’s eyelid. Carefully she removed it, holding it up triumphantly for Sam to see what had been causing her so much grief. Sam for her part did her best not to get caught staring at Janet’s beautiful eyes and restrained the urge to tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear. From the doorway, Teal’c knocked.

Causing both of them to jump about three feet in the air. Sam, swerving backwards a little to avoid being poked in the eye by Janet, lost her footing and sat down suddenly on Janet’s desk causing a pile of paperwork to cascade down from the desk around her.

Teal’c’s expression had gone oddly solid, which Sam concluded was either the Jaffa equivalent of looking horrified at the carnage he’d caused or meant he was trying desperately not to burst out laughing.

It would be years later before she discovered she was right in both cases.

3

Sometimes Jell-O wrestling seems like a more dignified career.

Part of the problem was doubtless that the majority of staff at the SGC had a great deal of trouble taking an alien incursion seriously when it was spearheaded by a creature that looked as though it was made of blue Jell-O. Even when most of the staff were captured and contained in cells made of the definitely solid but still comfortingly wobbly substance.

After hours of crawling through access ducts, conducting secret experiments in forgotten labs and having to save the day with thoroughly make-shift equipment and in their gym shorts, it was inevitable that as soon as the day was saved one of them would fall flat on her face. As they picked their way back across the gate room through the blue squelching remains of the base’s attacker, Janet almost lost her footing. Sam reached out to arrest her fall and managed to knock her back off balance. Janet naturally grabbed Sam’s flailing arm and clung tightly pulling her off balance in turn. They slid about, free arms pin-wheeling for a few minutes before managing to get their arms securely round each other and their legs back under their own control. Sam and Janet clung together for a long moment as they caught their breath, before the moment of grace evaporated and their feet slowly and unstoppably slid from under them. They descended to the floor with about as much grace as that normally displayed by a couple of ten-year-old girls on their first trip to the ice-rink. Naturally they had an audience, if only of one.

“One word about Jell-O wrestling…” warned Sam.

“Doubtless it was an epic battle, I merely express sorrow at having missed it,” Teal’c assured them.

Janet and Sam exchanged glances before scooping up handfuls of the goo and bombarding him with it. Sensibly, he beat a hasty retreat.

4.

Some things are rather more fun as a fantasy than a reality.

Sex pollen is a lot less fun than it sounds. It’s about as much fun as the disease they brought back from the Land of Light. Except with less physical violence and more seduction.

In SG:1’s case Colonel O’Neill and Dr Jackson seem to be worst affected and she quickly gets them sedated. The only cure they’ve found for this pollen is sleeping it off, which is good in the sense that she knows they’ll be fine and incredibly frustrating in that she can’t develop a vaccine. Sam on the other hand seems only mildly afflicted, acting more opening affectionate and oddly fascinated by Janet’s hair. Thus when General Hammond suggests that she take the opportunity to study the effects of the pollen and run some tests, she’s pleased to agree.

For the first few hours Sam is a willing, if overly handsy, participant in the study. Leading Janet to conclude that all the pollen does in mild cases is lower the infected person’s inhibitions and cause them to fixate on certain things. While O’Neill and Jackson had lost all attention span, interest flicking from person to person, Sam’s attentions are focused solely on Janet. More particularly, Janet is amused to note, on Janet’s hair. She’s really looking forward to teasing her girlfriend about that later.

However, as time wears on and the infection takes hold, Sam becomes increasingly agitated and insistent in the face of Janet’s resistance to her advances. Soon their getting caught on the security cameras stealing a kiss is the least of her worries and she has to call Teal’c in for back up as she resists being sedated.

“I did not forsee a time when I would ever have to restrain Major Carter from ravishing you, Doctor Fraiser,” observes Teal’c as he holds Sam fast.

There’s something in his tone that makes Janet wonder if he knows about them. This thing with her and Sam is new and fragile and necessarily secret. Yet Teal’c is far more perceptive than many people give him credit for and he does have a knack of timing when it comes to significant moments between her and Sam.

“Neither did I Teal’c, neither did I.”

5.

Sometimes it’s exactly what it looks like.

There are many reasons why her team living practically in each other’s pockets is a great thing. Sam’s boys are like family to her and fiercely protective of her safety and happiness. They are rather protective of Janet too and logically she knows that finding out the two of them are together will only make them more protective of Janet not less. Yet still Sam’s heart skips a beat when she hears the key turn in the door and doesn’t pull away. She forces herself to relax into the kiss, to lose herself in the familiar and delightful sensations.

They are her team; she trusts them.

Two sets of footsteps approach down the corridor and enter the kitchen where Janet is pinning Sam to the fridge and snogging her silly.

“We are interrupting, apologies, we will return later.” States Teal’c simply.

Two sets of footsteps recede up the corridor, the door opens and Daniel’s voice drifts back to them.

“Does _nothing faze you_?” he complains.

“I have heard it said that I have either the best or the worst timing in the world,” responds Teal’c.

“Well you certainly aren’t getting any less cryptic in your old age, that’s for sure,” mutters Daniel.

“Indeed,” comments Teal’c non-committal.

Its all the pair of them can do to wait until he’s closed the door before collapsing into giggles.  



End file.
